Thank you Lord for the molding and reshaping of the heart. I feel it happening as I continue to pray. Action from the heart is what I long for, especially for the things I know and believe in.
13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” – Matthew 7:13-24
So many times have I heard this, but now understand it’s meaning. It’s all about the heart. From it, and with it a human can do anything. God doesn’t want a person to know of him in their head and lead a good life. He asks for a revival of the heart, a transfiguration, a remolding, a heart driven to choose him daily because it wants to and not because it is demanded to.
Good life? What does that truly mean? Too long have I lived my life wanting to be good for the selfish reasons. I am good, because it is demanded of me everywhere I look. Why am I not good because I want to be. I am afraid sometimes of the thoughts and feelings that flow from my heart. Recently I’ve asked God, why is it that I think the things I do. I heard him respond through others. And what I contrasted between them and I is that there’s no action from my heart, but that only of my knowledge.
My friends and family, are what make up my life, not a bad thing, but it could be when there are in the wrong priority listing. You see, to Love God, is to have Him at the forefront of our mind, number one, and not everything else. So many times have I mistakenly placed friends and family before God and I have seen the weakening of my relationship with Yahweh. But no more. Last week, I can’t even describe the magnitude of how upset I was at myself and my heart. The passivity of my life was letting every wrongness pass by with out check. Comments, thoughts, and actions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an evil person, or by the world’s standards I’m not. However, by God’s standards I’m no where even close to being a good person. That’s why I am so thankful for His son, J-Dawg, JC, Dude, Father, Abba, Holy Spirit, God, Jesus Christ. And it hurt to know that the Man that saved my life was second, and I was ticked!
Too many times I’ve prayed, “God, I am sorry for what I have done. I promise the next time I’m in this situation or that situation… I’ll look to you and respond differently” and have failed. Because of this meaningless mental, physical, spiritual game I played has made my heart uncertain of the foundation of my beliefs. I find myself asking, “God why can’t I overcome this. Why aren’t you helping me overcome this. I know it’s not about me overcoming this, but you doing it for me, why?!” and then it hits me. I’m trying to receive God’s help with out my heart.
My heart. Where is it? Can you help me, I must have lost it between the transition of boyhood to older boyhood.
I find myself seeking to find a relationship with a woman, to pursue her, to win her heart, to have a relationship with the intended that I can put my heart into, but have realized I haven’t even went seeking to find my own heart. I’ve over the years collected knowledge and schematics of what one should look like and mimic the image portrayed by movies and tv… but Man was I wrong. No, boy was I wrong. To be a Man, I must search for my heart. Not in this culture, city, or world because that would certainly lead me back to where I am now. No, I must search for my heart where God intended a Man to find his heart, and that is in the Bible.
The stories of sacrifice for true justice, bravery above all odds, faith to the end in certain of death, a gladiator strength mentally-spiritually-(and even)physically, given to all, by God, to those Men who choose to seek it and live for it because they are in Love with their Creator.
My heart is being fought for, re configured, and is downloading from the true source this time, so that, I can find what it truly means to be a Man with a heart after God.
God, I feel my heart changing as I write this, and I pray that you continue to help me find my heart and rescue it from the grasp of the devil. It’s not his and I want it back. Give me Ephesians 6:11-13 so that I can fight for it and win it back.
“11Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” -Ephesians 6:11-13
Encouragement to everyone that may read this, and understand, your not alone, male or female, in this struggle to fight for your heart. But do know seeking God is the only armor and weapon you’ll truly need. And then beside him, standing to the right after Christ and the Holy Spirit, for a little extra encouragement, your God driven friends and family.
Wow. Praise be to God.
(Backstory: What spawned this whole deal with searching for my heart, came after listening to the first chapter of, “Wild at Heart.” Can’t wait to see what the other chapters have in store.)